


Memory

by Amethyste5



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-05
Updated: 2007-05-05
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyste5/pseuds/Amethyste5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for SPN_Het_Love Challenge 2 – The Little Things: List #2 -- scars, cotton, dirt, coffee, thread</p><p>Memories of a life that never was are haunting him.</p><p>Spoilers for 2x20 “What is and What Should Never Be”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

 

The first night after, he can’t sleep.He lies in bed shaking, feeling scars he hadn’t had there.They feel fresh again, both alien and comforting, reminding him of what he lost, binding him to the world he chose.Reminders of a life lived at war, not a life wasted in ignorance.A life filled with loss and pain, not the quiet peace he gave up.His thumb rubs across the cool smooth surface of his ring, back and forth all night as he listens to Sam sleep.A small part of his mind asks if he would have proposed to her, would have worn a ring like this on their honeymoon.He’s too tired to make it stop.

 

The next morning he throws on his clothes, jeans worn and stretched by use.The soft worn cotton of old shirts comforting against his skin, he leaves his amulet hanging inside his shirt, the cool metal against his chest reassuring him, grounding him in the here and now.

 

He throws his bag in the trunk, smile flitting across his face at the familiar arsenal in the trunk.

 

“Back to work, Baby,” he murmured.Sam glanced over, but Dean just shook his head.How could he explain the comfort of the only constant in both worlds?She was still his girl, no matter what else, who else, had changed.She deserved better than he’d been doing lately, the dirt obscuring her glossy black was a silent reproach.Maybe they’d spot a cheerleading fundraiser on the way out of town, carwash for her and something to take his mind off of things.

 

He tried, he really did, but not all the coffee in the world could keep him awake that night.He didn’t want to sleep, to relax, to let his mind go where it would, free of the tight control he’d kept on it all day.Three mugs full with breakfast, the dark haired waitress smiled in a way that brought back too many memories.A new cup at every stop for gas, trying to ignore the way Sam’s eyebrows went higher with every Styrofoam container he drained.The other Sam wouldn’t have noticed, or cared, wouldn’t even have been here to see.He stopped that train of thought before it could remind him how unfair he was being, he didn’t need to dwell on that. 

 

He tried so hard not to fall, tossing every time he got comfortable, fiddling with a loose thread on the sheet, twisting it round his fingers until it snapped.It was a losing battle, doomed from the start, like so much else in his life, and eventually he slipped into unconsciousness.

 

 _“Hello, Handsome, I’ve been waiting for you.”_

 

 _“I know, Carmen.”_

 __


End file.
